My dad is on his death bed. Has been treated for pneumonia 5 X in the last 7 weeks.He is weaker each time and can not last much longer.l was never close to him. l can not stand going to funerals.Will do anything else, just to avoid it.l do not like seeing a body in the casket, all made up to ''look natural''.l wanna remember him as the healthy person he was.l guess l also do not like funerals due to the fact that l know it is going to require a lot of work dealing with all of the after things (wills, possessions, etc) for my mom.l am on medication for anxiety and depression as it is.There are no other siblings,relatives or friends of my parents.l could deal better if l did not have to go thru the whole wake/funeral thing.l wish he could be cremated and have the ashes taken care of privately, but my mom already arranged for 6 hours for a wake, a whole big mass and funeral for the next day.l know that she expects me to take care of her instead of being able to take care of my family and self.Anyone have any suggestions?Any type of hypnosis ''talk''. etc?

You are on medication for anxiety; l would call your doctor and see about increasing the dose for a few days.

Some people would suggest not going at all, l on the other hand say go. It would mean so much to your father for you to be there, in respect for him and for your mother. No one likes funerals, especially if it is their parents. Your mother needs you, more than you may ever know. Hopefully your father will get better, and you wo not have to worry about attending his funeral.

Oh, boy. l am so sorry for ur loss.

My dad died about 4 years ago & seeing him dead was the worst. The casket closing..it was just a horrifying experience. l know this will be the hardest thing u will ever have to do..but u HAVE to do it. You have to make sure that ur father is put to rest properly. Your mom really needs ur help.

When my dad died, l made sure his wishes were fulfilled at his funeral.

Please, dear, do this. Be strong & ask for strength from either God or yourself (depending on ur beliefs). You will feel better in the end.

my opinion, you have to take care of you. if you think it will be too much for you, do not go. if anyone is upset you do not go, so what. you are dealing with a loss in your own way. it is not about ''how it will look if you do not go'' it is about your well being. if anyone is upset, they will get over it or they won't. That is just life.

There is no law that says u have to go, send flowers. Tell anyone that dares to ask it is none of their business. Tell ur mom u regret disappointing her, but watching him die was enough, & u simply have no desire to watch what u consider little more than an act, or a morbid obsession. If u have some one to go in ur stead ask them to go. There is no shame in either approach. Many people feel that the death of a parent who is suffering is a reason to rejoice, & celebrate. If u feel ur mother arranged this out of some misguided what will people say attitude. Tell her u do not feel this is what ur father would want. l wish u peace, that will come to u through freedom, the one gift u can give yourself.

l think that u can go to part of what ur mom has planned, but u do not have to stay the whole time. l would say that u could be there for about half of the wake. 6 hours sees too long! The funeral part is usually pretty quick so l would not worry too much about that. As far as taking care of our mother instead of ur family, why can not u be with all of them? What kind of care does she expect or need? You can be sympathetic to ur mother, but ur first responsibility is to ur family so do not let her possess you. Sounds like u feel that u have to go along with everything she wants. Regardless of whether all that stuff was planned, u never agreed to it & u do not have to be dragged to anything you're not comfortable with. I've been to lots of funerals where family members were not there the whole time & some did not come at all & no one really cared. People just want to say goodbye & chat a while & then leave. Talk to u wife & decide what fits you. It is not disrespectful to set limits to how much ur mom controls u at this point in ur life. God bless!

When my mom died( she died slowly too) l did not want to go to the funeral and wake, but l had no choice. l did not want to look at my dead mom, nor did l want other people looking at her, that is just weird. l had to stand in a line with my other family members and shake everyones hand, its like here come look at my dead mom and come shake my hand, l just wanted to be left alone! It is gonna be tuff but you just gotta get through it and you will!

l cant believe how awful and bad people can be . he is your FATHER , without him , you wouldnt be in this world !! GO to his funeral. you think never being close to him is a good excuse ? you are only lying to yourself to escape what you dislike doing. its not easy for you to go to your father funeral but it was not easy for him to parent you when u were kid !! would you want one of your kid to feel the way you feel now when you are weak and on your death bed ?