Well... there is two different deaths l have to deal with right now.

One, my boyfriends guinea pig died yesterday.Now, understand that before he met me, piggy was pretty much one of his only friends.Piggles was 2 years old when he died.l do not know how to help him, because he is really torn up about it.

The other death is my great grandma.She lived in CA for most of my life, until she had a stroke in 2006, and she came to live here with my Great Aunt.She died today, at 11 this morning. I'd known she was going to die, but l did not expect it to hit me like this.l wish I'd gotten to know her better, and l feel guilty...

The think that is really tearing me up though is that.... well, l went and saw her Thursday evening, and l talked to her... and the last thing l told her was ''I will see you tomorrow, okay?l love you.'' and then we left... but then l never went on Friday, because l was with my boyfriend... and then yesterday, l could have gone, but l stayed because my boyfriends pet died and he needed me... so l never got around to seeing her again.The last thing l ever told my grandma was a lie.... and she looked so happy when l told her l would come back the next day... l feel so guilty, and now she will never know....

l just need to get some advice. How do l deal with my boyfriend being sad and me being torn apart at the same time?l wanna be there for him more than anything, but right now l can not handle it... l do not know what to do.

Thanks in advance. :'-(

Death is just as common as birth. You will encounter death your whole life. Since you are young you are experiencing it for the first time. Realize that time is the only thing that will help.

You need to find some time, go find a place in private & mourn. Let all the emotion come out. Dealing with death is hard espicially to a close friend. Just remember the good times u had with the loved one & remember they r in a better place. They r not really gone, they r with u in spirit. You may not have known her that much, but neither did my uncle & l know he is in a happier place.

Go ahead & mourn for ur loss, it is alright.

l am sorry this has happened to you.

Oh geeze, I've never dealt with death before, so l really do not know the emotions you're going through. l am so sorry that this has happened to you.
Try talking to a really good friend about how you feel, and just let it all out. Or, go to a therapist for a little while.
Get better. =(

kels.

You need ur alone time. Grieve. Cry if u like, it will help you. l cried a river for a loss once. Honestly, take some time for YOU. Let ur boyfriend do his thing that he needs to do. People can comfort u but they can not grieve for you. That is something u have to do alone & likewise for ur boyfriend. You did not lie to grandma. You had every intent on seeing her & something diverted you. You did not know she was going to die or u would have been there. If u believe in the afterlife think about the fact that grandma does not want u to worry about not coming. She is happy that u were trying to help someone.

The thing is, you had no way of knowing she was going to die when she did. The fact that she was happy when you left her tells me that she knew you loved her. l had something similar happen to me with someone l loved. A missed opportunity to be with them and then they died. I've always felts sad about it. But it was not intentional, just like you. Forgive yourself. Your grandma would forgive you.

Let me join with the others, here, in offering u condolences on ur loss. Go to http://mind.org.uk/ & type ''grief'' in the taskbar, & enter. Call: The Grief Recovery Institute (U.S.A.) 1-800-445-4808, or Hospice (phone book). Email josamaritans.org Chatrooms & forums: chatmag.com/topics/health/grief.html & http://talkingminds.15.forumer.com/ & http://messageboards.ivillage.com/ Other websites: griefnet.org/ & http://helpguide.org/ (coping, supporting others, loss of relationship, or ****pet) & mental-health-abc.com/ & boblivingstone.com/?q=node30 & crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ Understand that there r often several stages of grief.

The stages are:

Denial: The initial stage: ''It can not be happening.''
Anger: ''Why ME? It is not fair?!'' (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as ''responsible'')
Bargaining: ''Just let me live to see my son graduate.''
Depression: '' l am so sad, why bother with anything?''
Acceptance: ''It is going to be OK.''
Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one & divorce. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor r they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

See amazon.com/ for books on the various stages. After a while, consider making a photoalbum/scrapbook and/or a shrine, in remembrance, & set aside one day per month on which to reflect. Many religious organisations offer counselling, or u may feel more comfortable with a therapist, to express ur thoughts, & feelings. Journalling may help in this. Celebrate that life; be thankful for the experience, & remember the good times. If there is depression: visit ur doctor, & see depression treatments, at http://ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in section 2.
Suggested Resources on Grief & Mourning: Beyond Grief: A guide for recovering from the death of a loved one; and: Men & grief: A guide for men surviving the death of a loved one, New Harbinger Productions Inc. 5674 Shattock Ave, Oakland, CA 94609 Phone: 1-800-784-6273

James, J. W. & Friedman, R. (1998). The Grief Recovery Handbook, Collins. Grollman, E. (1995). Living when a Loved One has Died, Beacon Press.

Livingstone, B. (Planned August, 2007). The Body-Mind-Soul Solution: Healing Emotional Pain through Exercise, Pegasus Books.

Simon, S, & Drantell, J. J. (1998). A Music l No Longer Heard: The Early Death of a Parent.

Livingstone, B. (2002). Redemption of the Shattered: A Teenager is Healing Journey through Sandtray Therapy, boblivingstone.com

Tatelbaum, J. The Courage to Grieve. Creative Living, Recovery & Growth through Grief. New York: Harper & Row. (1980).

Roth, Deborah, ed. Stepping Stones to Grief Recovery. Santa Monica: IBS Press.(1987).

Coping with Grief by Mal McKissock & Dianne McKissock, ABC Books & Audio. 2001

35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child, The Dougy Centre for Grieving Children, 1999, ISBN 189053403X

''''''''Pet Loss Support Hotline - Grief Counseling Hotline
Iowa State Univ. College of Veterinary Medicine
1-888-ISU-PLSH (1-888-478-7574)

Pick the pieces up & move on.


Hard? l am sure it is.Probably one of the hardest things u will have to do in ur life. l am not pretending to know.


There is no way to bring them back,and u dwelling on it is not something they would want. Everyone dies,that is normal. You have to accept it,or live in depression for the rest of ur life.


Which one sounds better?


You & ur boyfriend should maybe make a scrap book of ur loved ones(yes,even his pet) & write down the good times & memories u have of them. Talk about the good things,not the bad.


You will have hard times,times when u just feel like crying,and if crying makes u feel better than do it.


Maybe get a therapist,or even keep a journal of all the things that you're feeling.

hope this helps.
Good luck.

This area is difficult. l too had dealt with a great-grandmother, also an uncle & grandfather (1 day a part), an uncle on mom is side, & a close friend (around 1983). It is hard. l still mourn over my ''little buddy'' who lost control of her car around 1983.
Most of my trouble is not being active. When l lost family, l was active & did not mourn as long. My mind was not on the loose as much. Now l am not able to be active & things r on my mind more. Life is not fair.
Have u tried seeking help from a minister or such ? A friend that attends church that is a decon if not a minister ?
l think l know how u feel .. depression sux! :'-(

My best friend just died yesterday, & it was my dog. Best friend of 13 years, actually. Now my dog lived 4000 miles away from me, that is just how life drove us apart. l also knew, death will be near future, but l did not know it was going to hit me like this either. l cried my eyes out, some say it might be just kind of weird, since it was a dog, but she was very special to me. Then l realized l would not bring her back, & that she is in a much better place. Family & friends comforting would be the best thing now. We just have to keep on going, even if we do not want to.
l know what it feels like. =[
Hang on there.

you should worry about your grandma. l had to deal with my cousin overdosing on alcohol and drugs then my 2 uncles died. one from car accident and one committed suicide. Then later on my grandma and grandpa died. l have had a terrible life but l know there watching over us.